You know what I have been missing most, and consistently, throughout this “becoming a better me” process? (I mean, besides wine, of course.) Brownies. More specifically, my homemade-from-scratch brownies. They are fudgy and dense and not too sweet and covered with a thick layer of chocolate cream cheese frosting….. sigh. They are truly one of my favorite things.

Well, I have been searching online to see if I can make some “healthy” brownies to tide me over until I can someday have my own again. I found a few different recipes that seem promising, so last night I thought I’d try one of them.

This particular recipe for “brownies”, and I use that term loosely because the only ingredients that are in it that would be in “real” brownies are eggs and vanilla, calls for an unexpected item. Avocado.

Now, I do love avocados. Really, I do. But I prefer them as a condiment (guacamole), or a snack (with some salt), or even in a meal recipe with eggs or chicken. Heck, I’ve even had them in smoothies and it was pretty good. I know they help make things creamy….. but brownies? I had my doubts.

But, why not? So, off I went to puree the avocado with the wet ingredients. Did you ever feed your kids baby food strained peas? That’s about what this concoction looked like when I was done. Nasty baby food peas. You know one of the foods I most despise? Yep, peas. By now, my doubts are increasing about this recipe, but I continue on and add the eggs and dry ingredients. I must say, after it was all mixed together, it resembled a fluffy, whipped brownie-like batter. (My brownies are not this consistency. My bias continues.) It even smelled kind of like brownies. I tasted the batter and it was…. different. Chocolaty-ish. Kind of brownie-ish, but it was a stretch for me. Still I continued on.

After they were in the oven and all remnants of anything green were removed, the kids wandered in. They smelled the “brownies” and went in to a moment of ecstasy. They would be finally getting what they have also been wanting for weeks and weeks. (I’ve created dessert monsters.) It was awesome motivation for them to do whatever I asked – so I made sure to make a good list of things to clean up before they could partake in said “brownies”. (It worked!)

When the “brownies” were done, they looked…. okay. I mean, they didn’t have the pretty, shiny and slightly cracked top like brownies. But they were brown, so I guess that’s good. And they smelled brownie-like, sort of, so also a plus.

After they cooled, I hesitantly gave one to each kid, trying to keep my expression neutral. To my surprise, they loved them! They inhaled their “brownies” like I was going change my mind and take them away. “It tastes just like cake!” they both exclaimed. Really? Huh. Ok then, I will have to try one. I mean, I prefer fudgy brownies over cakey brownies, but at this point I’m pretty desperate. So I took a small sliver…..

Nope. Nope. Nope.

NOT a brownie. Not even close to a brownie. Not even close to cake, for that matter. In fact, after one bite, I threw the rest of my piece away. Did you catch that?!?! I. threw. it. away!! Those that know me know that even a bad brownie is still better than no brownie, and this didn’t even make the cut. I don’t know if my dessert palate is just too picky (and stubborn)¬†at this point to tolerate any alternatives or what, but I couldn’t handle more than one bite. Even Hubby tried one when he came home and tossed it.

“You know I like just about everything you make right? Well….. these are disgusting.”

Yes, dear, I know. No bad feelings here. I concur 100%.

The good news is that the kids like them, so they can have them. (I should mention that they have no idea what is in them. If they did, I’m sure they would not feel the same way. In fact, that very well could be my problem with them – I know that they started as baby-food-pea-colored puree…..)

I do have a couple more recipes to try out – without the avocados. But I’m starting to wonder if you just shouldn’t mess with perfection. Now the dilemma is do I try out a couple other recipes with my fingers crossed, or just hold out until I can bake my own down the road? Decisions, decisions…..