It’s Official

Trust is a funny thing.

Today, TKEP Academy was born.

Ok, not really. Technically, TKEP Academy won’t be open until after this school year is over, but the paperwork is in pulling Peanut out of the public school system as of the last day of school. We will officially be a homeschool family in fall 2015. We had been talking about the idea most of the year and made the decision a few months ago, but the “official letter”  didn’t go to the district until today, the day registration for next year is due.

For whatever reason, this letter was difficult to write. Not because I didn’t know what to say – I managed to find a template and just copied and pasted – but because it makes it real. Up until this point, homeschooling was just something we talked about. Now it’s something we will actually be doing.

(Hold me.)

Homeschooling has been on my heart for a good year. As I may have mentioned, I didn’t necessarily want to homeschool, but someone else kept gently leading me to that direction. Even after I turned away and laughed it off, He would delicately bring me back. So, I guess it’s about time I actually listen, for a change. Who knows? Maybe He actually does know best. I mean, He does seem to be supplying all our needs these days…..

See, here’s the thing. I *may* have some control issues. In order to trust someone, you have to let go of some of that control. This year, I’ve been attempting a whole more more trusting and letting go, albeit usually while kicking and screaming. I don’t like not knowing things.  I don’t like not being able to see what comes next. I don’t like it when plans that I thought were good, apparently weren’t the right plans. This has been a very confusing and potentially life-changing year for me. And it’s only May. I’m pretty sure I’m in the middle of a very important lesson I’m supposed to be learning, but I refuse to look at the notes and just learn it already. (While typing that, I had a mind picture of God face-palming Himself and shaking His head.)

Also, I may not be dealing with it all that well. My anxiety levels have been through the roof. I’m overwhelmed over everything and nothing. I’m pretty much a jumbled mess.

Trust in the Lord….

Yeah, but what about….? And what if….? And I think we should……

…. lean not on your own understanding….. 

But how will I know what I’m supposed to be doing? I’m completely clueless! I’m stressed out! I’m a mess! How can I possibly handle all that when I can’t even handle all this?!?

…. in all ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths.

So, that’s that. He knows what He’s doing with me and our family. (I personally still think He may be a wee bit crazy on this one, but whatever.) I’m trusting that this homeschooling journey will not end in disaster, but will instead open my eyes to bigger and better things. I’m trusting that He’s got this, even when I know I don’t.

I’m telling myself I will trust, even though my thoughts and actions are not in alignment with that notion yet. But I must learn to trust. I must learn to let go and just…. let go.

So, wherever this path may take us, the first step has now been made. That first leap into trust has been done. And now, we wait. We wait to see what happens next, what is planned for us, and what is expected.

And we trust.


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