Deep breath, I can do this.

I’ve been quiet here lately. I hit another rough patch, and those rough patches tend to make me shut down and curl up in a ball and avoid just about everyone and everything. Well, everything except baked goods, coffee, and yes, wine. To be honest, those are probably the times I should write on here more often. The whole journaling thing is supposed to be therapeutic, right? But really, I’m sure you don’t want to read my whining *all* the time, so I try to spare you at least some of the internal turmoil I struggle with pretty consistently. Instead, I hide behind witty comments and occasional snarky posts. (You’re welcome.)

But, in all honesty, things do have to start changing here. For real. My one month of feeling awesome in January gave way to a month of sicknesses in my house, which led to a month of excuses because I couldn’t (didn’t want to?) get back on track. So, March became Back-In-My-Rut Month, and unfortunately, April seems to be following suit. I’m really good at excuses and procrastination and not so great at action to make the changes that I know are needed to help me feel better. Such a conundrum.

I’m at the point of needing to make significant steps in the right direction. Here we are, finally in spring! There are only 8 weeks of school left. That means our leap into homeschooling will be here before I know it. I’ve been so excited about the idea of it, but now having to put it in practice is scaring the crap outta me. I really want to be sure I can be my best for my kids – and I know that I’m so not there right now. Not even close. What’s even worse is I’m reading up on other homeschool blogs and such (because April is supposed to be “Research Homeschooling” Month at my house) and it’s intimidating me even more.

So, what’s a person like me to do?

I make lists. That’s what a person like me does. Make lists, and then try to break those lists down. (And panic. There’s usually a fair share of meltdowns at this point, as well.) And then, with lots of help from Hubby, I’ll start baby-stepping my way back to a happy place. A place where I’m not sore from playing with my kids because I got lazy and out of shape. A place where I wake up excited for what the new day will bring instead of hiding in my virtual world and cup of coffee. A place where I’m preparing real food for my family and enjoying spending time with them instead of dreading each mealtime. A place where I don’t make excuses about trying new things or doing things that require leaving the house. (Did I mention I’m a recovering hermit? Apparently, I’m not as much recovering as I had thought…) I know that place isn’t perfect and there will still be bumps, but it’s a happier place. And I know that place exists. I’ve seen it and been there. I just have to want it badly enough. I have to want to get out of my comfortable rut, and that is so so hard for me. Even typing that sounds ridiculous because who actually wants to be at a pity party indefinitely? So, for those of you who have been following me and my whining, thank you. That fact that you put up with me helps. Now it’s time to run and jump back on that wagon that has been pulling away for weeks.

“Change” is my word this year. Let’s put it into practice, and make this one stick.

Now on to those lists…

 

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