Every year I make a pact with myself to be Facebook Free on Fridays. And every year I fail. Utterly. This year, apparently, is no exception. (In my defense, I’ve been sick and on the couch for a good chunk of the week so I had no idea what day it was.)
But, I digress.
So, today is Friday. The 5th Friday of the year, and I was on Facebook. (Hello, my name is Jessica, and I’m an addict.) *Sigh*
Why am I posting about it? Well, in the past, as soon as I peeked on a Friday, I called the whole thing off because there is NO WAY I can do Facebook Free Fridays since I failed once! I mean, why even bother!? Right? (Oh, I should note that I *may* have a little too much drama. Maybe.)
And this is where this year is different. Instead of my typical inner dialog, I’m just going to try again next week.
You can DO that?
I know, it’s earth shattering, really, to think of just trying again instead of writing the entire next 11 months off as a loss. But really, why not? Who says that screwing up once makes it useless to try it again? (The answer to that would be my former self, in case you were curious.) Will I be completely Facebook Free on every Friday? Not a chance. I am human, after all. But, I’m baby stepping my way there. Ultimately, I’d like to break the hold that Facebook, and social media in general, has on my life (that’s a whole other post) but for now, I try to just keep away on Fridays.
So, why this sudden bout of grace for myself? Well, for starters, remember that cleaning routine I’ve been working so hard on? And remember how I mentioned I’ve been sick on the couch most of the week? Yeah…. guess what hasn’t gotten done at all this week? In the past, that’s it – I’d give up. But this time? I’m going to try again. I’m in a rut from being sick and my house has suffered because of it, but not because I chose not to do the chores due to laziness or just a general “I don’t wanna” attitude. I chose, instead, to let my body rest and heal. (And Hubby made sure of that so I didn’t really have a choice in the matter.) Because of this new me that allows for mistakes, I’ll get back in the groove as soon as I’m well and able. I don’t have to throw in the towel. Maybe I’ll do a quick run through of the house tomorrow. Or, maybe instead I’ll just plan on spending a little extra time in each room during their set days next week. No matter what, it will get done, and it will be ok.
The point is, I’m learning flexibility. And grace. And learning to be ok with not perfect. I’ve finally, after many years, learned that I can’t keep going the way I’ve been going because it wasn’t getting my anywhere.
Now, this isn’t as easy as I may be making it sound. My inner self has been bashing me all week while I was on the couch, and continues to do so. I’ve pity partied with my inner dialog many times, and it’s a struggle to stop. But slowly, I’m working on that. I’m allowing the inner me to throw her tantrum and be mean and hurtful. I’m just trying harder to ignore her and not to join in this time.